I wanted to devote this blog post to self-esteem. Why? Because so many of us believe that self-esteem is this built in quality that only some of us are gifted with, but that couldn’t be more far from the truth.
Whether you are the richest, most beautiful, smartest or kindest person on earth, there is no denying that self-esteem fluctuates just as easy as our moods do. One day we can be feeling so magnificent and wonderful, and the next day, feeling like a complete failure. There isn’t one person I have spoken to that feels confident and self-assured 100% of the time, it’s just not a part of the human condition. And as much as we can scroll on our phones, eyeing different social media influencers and people we perhaps admire who always appear poised and elegant as ever, what we’re only seeing is the tip of the iceberg…Because not very many people are willing to share their vulnerabilities, their flaws, their fears, their bad days and moments when they question their own realities and sense of self…It’s just not the way of our world…And this is so unfortunate because it causes so many of us to be under the illusion that we need to be perfect and feel good all of the time or else there’s something wrong with us.
I believe this illusion is causing many of us to suffer in silence which only adds to the growing amount of people that are experiencing varying degrees of anxiety, depression and other mental implications. But before I go into a ramble about the implications of societal norms on our mental health, let’s get back into self-esteem.
Self-esteem is earned—It’s determined by how successful we feel. Whether it’s the accomplishment you gain from doing the laundry for the day or perhaps writing the first chapter to your very own book, your self-esteem increases through your own personal accomplishments. Personally, for me, I know that I feel a million times better about myself when I complete a blog post, get some exercise in or finish a coaching call with a client. For you it could look like waking up early and making your kids blueberry pancakes, tidying up your office just the way you like it, booking a client, signing up for that yoga class you’ve been dying to take or volunteering at the animal shelter for a day…We gain self-esteem by doing things that make us feel good.
About 5 years ago, my self-esteem was at it’s all time low. I was in an abusive relationship, working at a job I didn’t enjoy and feeling as lost as ever. It wasn’t until I started to have suicidal ideation that I knew I had to make a change. Since graduate school was always a dream of mine, I took the only ounce of confidence I had and applied to only one school for Marriage and Family Therapy. Upon getting accepted, I mustered up enough courage to end my relationship and step by step, my self-esteem began increasing. I started practicing hot yoga, got into the best shape of my life, traveled around the world, enrolled myself in different seminars and self-development courses , started a blog, began expressing my voice, worked for different mental health agencies and created my very own digital group coaching program called “From Pain To Peace, Power and Purpose” to help other’s on their own healing journeys. It was through my own personal experience and the experiences I witnessed with the clients I served, where I learned that self-esteem is not something we have, but something we earn.
So how can you start increasing your self-esteem today?
1-Write a list of things you’ve been wanting to do. Pick something off of that list and make a commitment to yourself to do it at least once a day. That could be meditating, writing, dancing, exercising, building your website, organizing your closet, cooking new recipes…whatever lights you up.
2-Write down empowering affirmations and say them to yourself each day. I personally created reminders for myself on my phone that alert me every hour with an empowering affirmation, this way it helps me to remember to say them. Ex: “My success is inevitable and I have the ability to create anything I want”, “I love myself more and more everyday”, “I am awesome and people love to be around me”, “I radiate love, light and joy.”
3-Practice self-compassion during this time. It’s SO EASY to be hard on ourselves when we fail to stick to our commitments. This disappointment causes us to give up or become highly self-critical. REFRAIN from allowing your inner critic to take over and instead speak words of encouragement to yourself and simply re-commit the next day.
4-DO NOT compare yourself to others. Comparison will rob you of your joy, your hope, your everything! Focus on you and your own growth. All of us have our own unique process to success–So if that means you need to delete certain people you follow on social media because it only distracts you from your own life, do that. I can’t tell you how much more productive I’ve been since deleting certain people from my social media account. I still admire their work, however I needed to put more energy into my own unique evolution rather than trying to mimic theirs, you feel me?
You got this! Your self-esteem is totally up to you and you can start increasing it at this very moment by not only doing the things that make you feel good, but through self-compassion and words of empowerment as well. Remember, where your focus goes, your energy flows–So focus on you and your unique process to success.
Want to align with your mind, body, soul & energy in order to experience more self-love, increase your life satisfaction & attract what you desire?
Join myself and a group of other like minded women transform PAIN into PEACE, POWER AND PURPOSE through my 6 week digital group coaching program beginning September 2.